He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
