Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
