i would punch a child for taco bell
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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