i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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