just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Also, beer. Big fan.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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