Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
