Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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