Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize