I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize