Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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