What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
