there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
