come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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