this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
