So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
