youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
