I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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