I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
