This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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