I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize