so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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