he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
