i would punch a child for taco bell
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Panties = found
Randomize
