I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
