You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
