i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
