Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
