I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
