Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
