Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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