Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
