as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
