i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just puked most of my soul out..
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
