Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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