Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
