Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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