You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
