His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
