Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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