why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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