My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
