i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
