How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
