I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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