his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
