I want to make a zoo with you.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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