You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
