I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
