Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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