never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
