so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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