Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
