Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
