we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
