Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize