nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
