Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
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Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
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I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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