i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
