its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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