they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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