I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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