You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
don't judge my taste in strippers
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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