drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
