Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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