if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
