Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
