Your tits are I can't wait for
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
